2/12 - Nothing Really Mattress

#1: Gregory Samsa woke from uneasy dreams one morning to find himself changed into a giant bug.

The diction in this line is very casual and almost indifferent to the subject matter in the sentence. It's almost comical to read how the author writes that this man has simply turned into a bug overnight, as if it is not a terribly strange feat, just minorly inconveniencing. The syntax in this line is fairly simple and evenly paced (rhythmic). The details I noticed in the line were "uneasy dreams". It is an interesting detail because it does not necessarily contribute or relate to the purpose of the sentence, but it does somewhat add to the mood of the passage. The sentence structure is complex.

#2: When Gregor Samsa awoke from troubled dreams one morning he found he had been transformed in his bed into an enormous bug.

The diction in this line is more poetic than the last. It draws out the sentence for the sake of including more details and words, instead of just getting right to the point. The diction also includes more complex and descriptive words. The syntax in this line is also more artistic. Adding the "when", which changes the whole structure, makes the line seem more like it is from a sort of fairy tale book. There are a few more details in this line, like "enormous bug" instead of just "giant bug". It also says "troubled dreams" instead of "uneasy dreams". The sentence structure is compound-complex.

#3: As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect.

The diction here goes back to being more casual and straight to the point like the first translation. The syntax is again more artistic, and also just makes the sentence smoother and clear. Specifically, moving the phrase "one morning" to right after awoke makes more sense and sounds better. One detail is "insect" instead of "bug" which is more specific and sophisticated. The sentence structure is compound-complex. 

#4: One morning, upon awakening from agitated dreams, Gregor Samsa found himself, in his bed, transformed into a monstrous vermin.

This translation definitely has the most poetic and creative diction. It has a good pace that alternates between short and longer phrases. All the commas indicate pauses, which contribute to the meandering flow of the sentence. The syntax is both more useful in this translation, but also makes the sentence a bit less clear. Having "one morning" at the very beginning is useful to right off the bat establishing the setting. However, "in bed" seems to be at a strange place in the sentence and takes away from the discovery. This translation is also the most detailed. "Monstrous vermin" is a great way to describe what he had become. I think this phrase helps the audience in their envisioning of the creature he had become. The sentence structure is compound-complex.

In my opinion, translation #4 was the most effective. This may have to do with my personal preference for lots of detail, so that I can clearly see in my head what's going on in the story. I think it is particularly effective because it utilizes detail and imagery, as well as punctuation. In fact, none of the other translations use commas, which I think they could have greatly benefited from. I also think that translation #4 was so much better than the others because it does a lot to create a kind of mood of leisure coinciding with disaster. This line is going to set the rest of the novella, so it's important that it is crafted in a way that is interesting to read and indicative of the rest of the text. 

Punctuation seems to be much more important than I had previously thought. It establishes a pace for the sentence, and the pauses that commas bring can greatly affect the mood or tone, adding drama or suspense. Word choice and syntax play more to the style of the author, and contribute greatly to the first impression of a novel that we get from reading a line. Many times, an author's style alone can make you love or hate a novel, regardless of what they are writing about. 

This exercise brings up the notion that much meaning and style is lost as we translate texts from its original language to another. This might be particularly concerning in that it's entirely possible that, say, an English translation of an important book like say, The Stranger, has a completely alternate meaning to us than to the people of its original language that Camus never intended it to have.